How to Become a Billionaire

The other day I picked up one of those Adult Learning catalogs. You know, the ones you see for free on the street. Well, it must have been my lucky day because right on the cover it informed me that I could, “Become a Self-made Billionaire!” That’s right, no small-change millionaire stuff, we’re talkin’ billions. Then, I thought about it. If the guy teaching this class was really a billionaire would he be spending his time doing this? Doubtful.

The next course that caught my eye was, “How to Make Contact with Lost Loved Ones.” Two pages later I noticed another, different course entitled; “How to Communicate with Lost Loved Ones”, for 10 bucks less — which then begged the question, Why would I just want to make contact with a lost loved one when I could make contact and communicate with them — for 10 bucks less? Depends on the relative, I figured.

I continued flipping until I was stopped by yet another intriguing headline: “How to Make your Own Soap.” Seriously? If this were Medieval times maybe I could see taking this course, but who’d want a course like this now? When I turned the page I got a possible answer — the same person who wants to learn, “How to Paint on Leather.” The subhead says “You’ll Be Amazed at the Results!” — a pretty big promise, I think. What if I’m not amazed at the results? What happens then? In fact, what if this leather thing I paint is the worst piece of crap since the clay ashtray I made for my mom in 4th grade? Do I get my 49 bucks back? I don’t think so.

Then I see, “How to End Procrastination.” Now think about this one for a second. Procrastinators are people who keep putting things off. They think about doing some- thing, but never get around to actually doing it. Is that really the best course to offer?

After spending a few more minutes with titles like; “How to Create Magic Spells” and “Mind Over Metal,” I decide to come up with one of my own:

How to Get Filthy Rich

by Teaching a Course on Getting Filthy Rich.

You’ll Be Amazed at The Results!

John Follis
About John Follis 1 Article
John heads Follis Inc and Big Idea Video which meets the growing need for more compelling, creative web video. Previously, John headed one of Mad Ave's hottest agencies, Follis/DeVito/Verdi with campaigns that received press in The Wall St Journal, NY Times, USAToday, TIME, Forbes, and The Harvard Business Review. John also performed stand-up comedy at the Gotham Comedy Club, once, and then decided not to quit his day job.

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